I have been press ganged into assisting Stevie-boy in building the new perimeter fence for our house block. The old one just skimmed the house area and didn’t give our dogs much room to exercise and we promised ourselves that this year we would give them somewhere to run, to sniff, to pee and to lie on the cool earth when our long dry summer starts to heat up at the end of February. We finally managed to massage the funds out of the poor long suffering moth eaten sock under the bed. I am considering crowd funding to put it into therapy, and so we find ourselves with the materials, and the time, to facilitate change. (It’s now Wednesday and we facilitated a whole LOT of change and as promised, here is the video of the dogs being released into their larger compound…)
The main problem with us facilitating change is that in order to do it, we need to work together. As my dear constant readers are well aware, Stevie-boy and I are a study in opposite. I am not just taking doing things a bit differently, I am talking men are from Mars women are from Venus opposite. Some of the thought processes (if you could call random impulsive racing from one thing to another) that Stevie-boy calls “plans” make my head hurt. I just don’t get how he functions, let alone manages to get through to the end of the day and actually achieve anything. This brings me to my early morning musing on Friday. Last Friday at precisely 4.56am that actually took me away from my RSS Feed blogs to pen this before I forgot…
Why do I need to have a start, middle and finish to everything that I do? I am not talking plans here, I am talking everything. I like to complete things. I don’t like strings being left untied, “i’s” and “t’s” not being dotted and crossed respectively and anything left undone. I like to finish a task and know that it is, to my best ability, finished. Yesterday was a point in case. I like to work methodically through a task until it is done. I like to make sure that I complete everything
You see I am well aware of which direction we are pointing. I know that if we keep having to come back and fix things up, or finish things off, that we are stalling our lives. I like to work through things because I like to start new things and know that the old things are finished and done. That way I can keep pointing forwards and don’t have to go backwards, sideways and upside down in order to live my life. I was thinking, as I shuffled Bezial back to bed for the umpteenth time, about how we live our lives planning, shuffling ourselves, our children, our time, our money from place to place to satisfy some part of something for most of our lives. We seem to make incredibly big jigsaw puzzles out of our lives in order to satisfy something that we just can’t quite put our finger on. I have a deep and unerring desire to simplify my life to the core. Call it the German in me, but I find the essence of processes incredibly delicious. Way down inside all of those processes is/was an idea, a simple idea that started that ball rolling. It may have been a desire to shore up the future, to prevent starvation, to make sure that your children lived past 4 but way back when all of these processes that we assume are vital to our survival, came into being, there was a terrifically valid reason for them. I doubt that most of us even know why we do a lot of what we do. If we stopped and asked ourselves why we ferry our kids to 14 different sporting, dancing, fencing, ape taming events we would see that it isn’t so much to do with our children as to do with keeping up with the Jones’s.
Why do we blindly follow processes without question? Why do we perform, by rote, much of what we do in our day as if our lives depend on it? If we step back and take a really good look at the processes the make up our lives, that we feel are taking over our lives, that rob us of time, money, “life” itself are they really important and valid or are they just habits that we and society in general have developed to keep the tracks of society well-greased and operating? I sat in the dark today. I won’t tell you where I was sitting when I contemplated this thought, I will leave it up to your imagination, but in keeping with paring down my life and my processes I thought way WAY back to the essence of “me”. Early morning narf is a whole lot more philosophical than mid-morning narf and don’t even talk to early evening narf. She doesn’t make much sense. Early morning narf, after that first cup of tea is a most interesting place to inhabit. I enjoy her ability to think and the still quiet time to do so (until I have to shepherd Bezial back to bed for the umpteenth time… sigh…). It all boils down to what you believe the universe “is” I guess. I read about people putting their thoughts, their wishes and their ideas out into the universe and allowing the universe to sort it all out for them. That’s a most comforting vision but being someone who is somewhat limited by science to a degree, I keep seeing rocks and meteors and stars where these people see possibilities. I can’t quite see how rocks and meteors and gasses can make my dreams come true. I need concrete things and so after a long LONG time pondering the long dark teatime of the soul I arrived at God. We all arrive back at God/a creator at some time in our lives even if we refuse to admit it. We all question ourselves and our beliefs and why the heck we are actually “here”. Why are “we” alive when so many other people aren’t? We could put it all down to coincidence, to a random pattern of thought or to simple science but I can’t help feeling like this is all too ordered, too organised, too united to be a result of chaos. Therefore I arrived back at the simple essence of God.
You can choose to believe in whatever you want to believe in. I choose a creator who gave us purpose, reason and who said “I will provide you with everything that you need…just ask me”. Now I may or may not have just lost half of my reading audience but I would like to think that most of you are as pragmatic as I am and are going to humour old narf7 by reading on. This ISN’T a bible bash folks. I haven’t read much of that most esteemed tome; I can’t make head or tail of most of it but the bits about “love each other” make a lot of sense to me and “share things with each other” as well. What makes sense to me is a clean pure reason for everything. A nice, tidy ends tucked in explanation for it all. We are born, we do stuff then we die. I am no expert in all of the peripherals. I have a sneaking suspicion that I don’t have to be. I think I am here to “live”. Maybe we are all one great big science experiment that has been going on for millennia. God’s ant farm. Who knows why we are here or to what purpose we are set but all I know is that we ARE here and that each day is another precious chance to wake up and smell the roses.
I decided that I am going to live life like Earl today. I don’t mean eat the couch, pee on everything and make Bezial’s life hell, I am going to try as hard as I can to stop thinking about other things, things that may or may not happen in the future, things that I could be doing and that I need to do etc. I am going to live for today and try to make the most of everything that happens today. I am going to allow my God to take care of the hard stuff. The things that I have been agonising over, the world that won’t be healed no matter how hard I wish it was, my day to day living needs when our finances are tenuous bordering on terrifying. How liberating! I don’t have to plan, to shuffle, to drive, to prepare…just look at what is in front of me at any given moment and do my best to do it well. I wonder if that isn’t the secret to happiness. Working through what has been set immediately in front of you to your best ability and tying up the ends, dotting the “i’s” and crossing all of the “t’s” and wrapping it all up in gold tissue paper with a nice big rainbow coloured bow and saying “DONE”. That way, when we get to whenever it is that our direction is constantly pointing in, and we have nothing left to give, we will know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we did all that life handed us and we made the absolute most of every opportunity that rocked up instead of missing those precious things that get washed over by all of those societal processes that would mow down much of what makes life special, meaningful and precious.
5.21 And the sermon for today is over. If you would like to pass the collection hat please do so. Take what you put into the collection hat and go buy yourself a good cup of beverage of your choice, look up at the sky, look at the native vegetation wherever you are, listen to the birds singing and just thank whatever it is that you believe in for this precious and most amazing life 🙂