47 Ways To Tell That You’re Australian. #12 Is So Accurate It Hurts.
14th April 2014
1. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
2. You think it’s normal to have a leader called Julia.
3. You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
4. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son’s pencil case when he first attends school.
5. You’re liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans “rooting” for something.
6. You understand that the phrase ‘a group of women wearing black thongs”s refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
7. You pronounce Melbourne as ‘Mel-bn’.
8. You pronounce Penrith as ‘Pen-riff’.
9. You believe the ‘l’ in the word ‘Australia’ is optional.
10. You can translate: ‘Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.’
11. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
12. You call your best friend ‘a total bastard’ but someone you really, truly despise is just ‘a bit of a bastard’.
13. You think ‘Woolloomooloo’ is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
14. You’re secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
15. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice as big as its $2 coin.
16. You understand that ‘Wagga Wagga’ can be abbreviated to ‘Wagga’ but ‘Woy Woy’ can’t be called ‘Woy’.
17. You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread. You’ve also squeezed it through Vitawheats to make little Vegemite worms.
18. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
19. Hamburger with Beetroot? Of course!
20. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of The Angels song ‘Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again’.
21. You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
22. You wear ugg boots outside the house.
23. You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
24. You believe that the more you shorten someones name the more you like them.
25. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
26. You understand that ‘excuse me’ can sound rude, while ‘scuse me’ is always polite.
27. You know what it’s like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
28. You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.
29. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
30. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call ‘Anzac cookies’.
31. You still think of Kylie as ‘that girl off Neighbours’.
32. You believe the phrase ‘smart casual’ refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.
33. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
34. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
35. You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in O: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto etc.
36. You know that there is a universal place called “woop woop” located in the middle of nowhere…no matter where you actually are.
37. You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like shit. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.
38. You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.
39. You’ve only ever used the words – tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet to mean ‘good.’
40. And then you place ‘bloody’ in front of it when you REALLY mean it.
41. You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.
42. You say ‘no worries’ quite often, whether you realise it or not.
43. You’ve drank your tea/coffee/Milo through a Tim Tam.
44. You own a Bond’s chesty. In several different colours.
45. You’ve ordered a steak the size of your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL.
46. You know that roo meat tastes pretty good, but not as good as barra. Or a meat pie.
47. You know that some people pronounce Australia like “Strayla” and that’s ok.
Taken directly and most unashamedly from this post
“Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, OY, OY, OY!” 😉