Norman Gunston eat your heart out!

Hi All,

I have to buy some ciggy papers so that I can look like Norman Gunston. No…I haven’t started full facial shaving along with my Hillbilly lifestyle (not yet anyway…) but with the first rains come leeches by the million! They are everywhere. I had 2 of them fighting over the same bit of skin the other day and today I got one in my shoe while I was helping Steve collect the first of the wood that he has chopped for what appears to be an early autumn. We found another one squirming across the floor towards us in a most determined manner and we are starting to give up on halting the advancing hoard. Anyone who hasn’t had to deal with leeches on a physical level has no idea how hard they are to kill. Imagine squashing a rubber band that is intent on slinking its way most determinedly out of the door while you are attempting to destroy it (most unsuccessfully) and you start to see the conundrum of leeches. One of two of them is no problem. We seem to have lots of them all at once and because we are out collecting wood at the moment we are up in the back bush blocks and the leeches are lurching like little rubber zombies in enormous numbers towards us as we chop. They particularly love me. Steve gets the mosquitoes and I get the leeches. I think it is something to do with my blood type coupled with me being a vegetarian. Dad never mentioned leeches as part of life here on Serendipity Farm but my guess is that apart from being loath to go outside other than straight to his car and back, dad smoked, drank and was in altogether terrible health and I dare say any leeches that had a go of him would regret the hangover and compromised tubes that would result! Our friend “who shall remain anonymous” who is also collecting wood at the moment on her 50 acre property will be tucking her jeans into her long woollen socks before she even ventures out of her home. Nat, who has visited us when the leeches were on the move, gave an amazing impression of a strip tease artist in her panic to unburden herself of all of her clothes should a leech have slinked up her leg. I must admit I don’t really care all that much if I get bitten by leeches. I seem to react only slightly and apart from the inconvenience of the bite not healing over immediately and bleeding from the tiny wound for quite some time (thus the Norman Gunston ciggy papers…) they really don’t bother me all that much. I have even taken to dropping the squirming infuriated little sods off the balcony rather than killing them if I can get them off the stick that I have captured them on. I used to throw them into the fire, but they really are not doing me much harm so I have decided that they are low on the pest list and as such can be given another elastic chance.

I am laughing here as I just checked the spelling and grammar in my word document (without which you would have a semi legible rambling nonsensical read indeed!) and saw that it wanted me to change the title of this post to “Norman Gunston eats your heart out”! Norman might have been a most persistent little Aussie bleeder but Zombie he was not! Get it right you STUPID GRAMMAR CHECK! I often get a real chuckle out of words that the spell and grammar checkers want me to change because they make no sense and they are grammatically wrong! Like Mr Kevin Bloody Wilson’s most reflective and lilting ballad to Christmas advises us most poignantly to do “Don’t listen to him mum’s and dad’s cause he tells fu#%ing lies!” Much like our esteemed state and federal politicians… so does the grammar and spell check so DON’T just change your words because they tell you to, you might just end up the laughing stock of your office…  It’s not easy to pull words out of the air (I syphon them through my “muse” first who is more like Nanny Ogg of the Discworld series than anything that Banjo Paterson claimed to be channelling…). If you haven’t read a Terry Pratchett Discworld novel you are missing out on one of life’s most rewarding experiences. If you haven’t read a Terry Pratchett novel OR laughed hysterically at a Gary Larson comic then I most definitely feel sorry for you…

This is an artist’s representation of Nanny Ogg… (That looks a bit like Squeak doesn’t it Cathy?)

I am going to have to collect the last few Discworld (and related) novels that I don’t own this year. Terry Pratchett has Alzheimer’s and is slowly losing the ability to produce these amazing insights into our own human condition from the perspective of a most interesting world being held up by elephants standing on an enormous turtle flying through space…I rest my case and Mr Terry Pratchett, no matter how terrible your plight is, I would much rather die knowing that I brought sheer unmitigated childlike delight to everyone who read my books than live on until I was 100 without once giving something precious to the world. Thank you so much for your fantastic literary interpretation of how you processed your life and our communal world and condensed it down into pure gold. You will live on and on in all of our hearts and deeper and though your mind might be failing you now, you won’t ever be forgotten. Generations from now people who are not born yet will gain the same sense of utter delight that we do when they are able to imbibe in your glorious sense of outrageous humour and your unique way of looking at things. You sir are a true hierophant and I urge anyone out there who hasn’t been delighted by his work to give it a go, you just might gain something precious from the way that he looks at the world. I just went hunting to try to find some Gary Larson to share with you but your best bet is to enter “The Far Side Cartoons” or “Gary Larson Cartoons” into your web browser and see what you can find.

The chameleon before he decided to blend in with his new environment…

To this…Steve himself commented on how biafran he looks in this photo, I think it is because it was taken looking down and for a 90kg man he certainly looks a lot thinner than he is!

And here the chameleon is again trying to get Bezial (the emo wonder dog) to smile for the camera. Good luck with that chameleon, Bezial is an island…NOT an isthmus…and as such he will NOT be swayed

Thinking about Terry Pratchett and Gary Larson I am reminded of my theory that you are what you take into yourself. I am not just talking about food and drink there; I mean the books that you read, the music that you listen to and the television that you watch. Whatever you feed into your senses gets plastered onto your soul and forms a part of you no less physical than what you eat and drink. I choose to try and feed my soul all the good stuff. That’s why I shun crap T.V. because I come out of it feeling cheated, bewildered and like I am bleeding from my eyes. It’s junk food for the masses and is giving the same spiritual and mental results. The only difference is, we eat less take away than we cram in this garbage. I am not being elitist here; I am just saying that if you watch crap, you are feeding your psyche crap. I have to take a little aside here that sort of directly ties in to what I am trying to say here. I no longer judge unemployed people for sinking into a state of semi-comatose lethargy. Sit around for 8 weeks and see how fast you sink into sloth! Its amazing how easily you stop wanting to do anything other than lay around in your underpants and watch television! Far from choosing to live this way, it is an inevitable result of a lack of money and very little to do. People can poo-poo me here but if you have only just enough money (if that) to live on and none extra and you can’t join in with your friends and family whenever they go out anywhere you start to shun your friends and family and you end up becoming a couch potato. It’s a natural slide into decline and all of the social graces slide right along with it…If you are not getting stimulated and motivated and you get into the habit of sloth it is very hard to get back out of this habit and start trying again. This does tie in with what I was saying because unless you are willing to hunt around for what you need and put in the effort to find simple cheap ways to solve your problems when you are unemployed your life is just a hop step and a jump away from being overwhelmed by depression and sloth. We are cultivating a generation of unemployed people who don’t give a damn thanks to a government who is telling them that they aren’t worth the effort to find them work. Steve and I are hidden unemployed people. We are students but are 1 unit away from the unemployment line and there are many more like us scattered all over our state and Australia wide. If you added us all together the unemployment rate would start to appear somewhat alarming. The government needs to recognise that unemployed people are not the scum of the earth; they are an untapped resource that needs to be cultivated and enlivened with promise and hope. I don’t think our current prime minister is up for the job of sorting out the unemployment line or helping those of us that want to exit its throning highway to find a job. Steve and I choose to educate ourselves, research, find things out and give ourselves the best chance at living a full and rewarding life but we are the lucky ones. We are clever enough to realise that when you don’t have a lot of money you need to think smarter not harder and we also realise that “God helps those that help themselves”…we are learning everything that we can so that we can do as much as we can around here ourselves without having to pay anyone else to do so. In the process we are painting our souls in bright Picasso colours and papering our minds are being clothed in possibility. That’s what it takes to give someone hope for the future, education and teaching them to fish rather than handing them half a manky rancid fish a day and hoping that they will lay down and cease to be a problem to the country.

Here’s a photo of some of Serendipity Farms reduced cost pest control. When you factor in the amount of bread and prime free range food that goes down the upturned beaks of this lot you cant possibly list them as free pest control, but they are a lot cheaper on the environment and the hip pocket than paying out for their chemical equivalent

Another faction of the pest control squad. Lets call this lot blackberry eradication because they are in the process of eating the fruit from the blackberries tangled in this hedge.

My Hero! Back from the Serendipity Farm equivalent of The Crimean War, walking the dogs while my knee recovers

The feral kittens are playing in the Cotoneaster horizontalis below the deck. They are waiting for their evening meal and doing what kittens do best, playing with each other and learning about life. They have a very carefree life and it is lovely to watch them prancing about play fighting each other and boxing each other’s ears. The price of a bit of dog polony and a few cat biscuits to prevent them eating the native birds as a necessity is worth every cent. We have no idea what we are going to do about these feral cats. It’s like the sword of Damocles dangling over our heads at the moment. We have fallen in love with these little kittens and have no idea how to deal with our problem ethically, environmentally and most importantly fairly to everyone involved in the process. We know that we can’t let them breed on exponentially because we have seen 1 little female feral cat turn into 1 little female cat and 2 kittens and now 1 little female cat, her 2 now adult kittens and 4 new babies. Serendipity Farm is hard pressed to feed that many cats let alone another litter of goodness knows how many and so we are left tapping our heads and trying to work out a solution that will satisfy everything. Our friend who “shall remain anonymous” just phoned me and told us to come around and get some limb wood as it is lying on the ground where they have been collecting their own firewood looking messy. Isn’t it good to know that not only are we going to get firewood for free, but we are doing our friend a favour by taking this wood and minimising her bushfire risk in one fell swoop? That’s what I am talking about when I say that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure and what I try to allude to when I am talking about natures cycles and how we have to try to use everything that we can and recycle as much as we are able to do so. I was reading the other day when I got to a passage about thrift. I had taken a book out of the library called “Creole Thrift” and had visions of all of the interesting projects that I might be able to make from its bayou pages but on flicking through the pages I realised I had been jipped! This was a shameless self-promotion for some interior designer descendant of a plantation owner who was fixing up the old house (read mansion) by using the furniture that was left in the house and from what I could see rearranging it so that it was more modern…I hate to tell you lady but THAT ISN’T THRIFT! Sigh… I also had a bit of a letdown about the massive most promising tomb of Southern Cookery called simply “Creole” with a brightly coloured cover that was so enormous I could chock the wheels of the trailer with it on our steep driveway. I eagerly thumbed through the recipes to find that most of them are meat and almost all of them contain ingredients that are simply not available to those of us inhabiting the “rest of the world”. I can use a few of the sauce recipes to enliven our future meals but apart from about 10 recipes the rest are not worth bothering about. I guess you have to sift through quite a lot of dross once you know what you are looking for and have isolated your requirements down to a select few desirable needs. We are in the process of learning what we really need in opposition to what we merely want (albeit quite strongly!). Sometimes the edges get a bit blurry and where I need food and water every day, my want for a copy of the new Zelda game for Wii is bordering on tipping it over into the basic needs group. The lovely warm fire that Steve just lit and that Bezial has just sunk down sighing with contentment in front of (most probably for the rest of the night) is bordering on necessity and sometimes you just have to sit down and really look at what you are doing to make sure that you are simplifying your life in the right direction. As penniless student hippies we are more than aware of how far our meagre rations need to eke out. Now that we pay rates and various other nefarious government charges we have been thrust into the hitherto unknown world of constant bills and the other day we looked at each other in bewilderment after paying out most of our savings on an enormous pile of bills even though we are so amazingly lucky to not have to make mortgage payments or pay rent and wondered aloud how on earth regular people on Centrelink payments make ends meet! Where some might see having very little money as something to be terrified about, we see it as a challenge. I am just about to start work on telling my mother’s story through her garden. Up until now I haven’t felt ready to think about it but today I got the feeling that it’s time that I got started so I will be working through the guidelines that Annie from “The Micro Gardener” sent me to keep me on track and to sort my natural verbosity into key points and simple concise statements. It isn’t going to be easy because little things keep happening that remind me of how long it takes to heal from the death of your mum. Yesterday I was playing my game when I decided to have a look in the cupboard for something healthy to eat for a snack and found a cling wrapped log of home-made dried fig and walnut “stuff” that mum had brought over with her at Christmas time. Should I eat it? Mum made it in her little kitchen that I watched being deconstructed into boxes to head off to various tip shops and new homes and when it was gone would she be gone too? It’s not easy to say goodbye to your mum. Mine was always reminding me that she was there with little emails and recipes and bits of information about gardening and sustainability that she had scanned from magazines and websites etc. That is what I am missing now, mum’s constancy in our lives and where she once was, is a gaping hole that is harder to fill than I would have ever thought. I don’t want to dissolve into the melodramatic here, but writing mum’s story is going to make me think about her, about how she was and what she did and it is going to make me remember when I have done my level best to not think about it to give myself time to callous up and start growing again. I think that much as the colder weather and the leaves changing colour herald the onset of autumn, my finishing off that fig and walnut roll and forcing myself to think about mum dying last month has given me the impetus to get cracking (her words) on her story. I want to do you justice mum but I don’t want to tell fibs. Don’t you just hate going to funerals where the reprobate who made everyone’s lives a misery with his crazy selfish antic’s wipes himself off on a telegraph pole and all you can hear are what a fine upstanding citizen he was and what a wonderful son…we tend to gloss over peoples faults and vices when we talk about them after their deaths and in the process we lose their essence. Mum wouldn’t want me to tell fibs about her but neither would she want herself pared back for the world to see. In telling the story of your mothers garden when she is no longer there to tend it you need to do that garden justice. Now that her garden is metaphorical and no longer physical it is even more important to write her story, and give her garden a physical presence in the readers mind to give the truest representation of whom and what she and it was. Thank you for waiting for me to be ready Annie and for not hassling me. I truly appreciate it and will do my level best to give you the true picture of mum and her life full of gardens so that everyone can see just how she did it with very little money and bucket loads of stubborn willpower. Ok, I think that is enough for today. The kettle has just about boiled and the hot beverages are just about to be substituted for what were once our evening libations. We haven’t drunk alcohol in 2 ½ weeks and don’t miss it at all! For people who had become (perhaps too) used to at least a couple of drinks a day (isn’t it scary how insidiously these bad habits creep up on you when you don’t even notice?) we were more than a little worried that we might suffer some sort of side effects but apart from feeling a little flat, we haven’t noticed any other side effects. We were getting worried about our health and decided to give up our evening tipples and Steve has lost a bit of weight (not that he had much to lose!) and I seem to have a clearer head (and don’t fall asleep on the couch as much unless I have a book under my nose that is!…) so hopefully we have escaped the dreaded clutches of alcohol at least for this week…See you all tomorrow when it will most probably be raining on Serendipity Farm but we will be snug and warm in our little country home learning all about what we can and can’t abide in each other…(it puts new meaning into the old saying “It never rains, but it pours!”)

Not the best photo in the world (understatement of the century) but it was taken to show you the extension growth on this poor long suffering maple since we removed its mortal enemy “The Jasmine” from around its base, sides and canopy last year. It’s going for broke as we had to remove a lot of its canopy of dead material in the process. This is what nature does when you give it a chance…

This is my Elton John candle. Its small, round, dumpy and bald and has something to do with being a candle in the wind. All puns intended there and no responsibilities taken for any of your groans…it woke you up didn’t it? My job here…is DONE!

My most attractive little upsidedown pot that I bought from the Salamanca Markets when mum was visiting last year in April. I have no idea what I want to plant in this planter. I was thinking that I might be able to put my stapelia (stinky flowered amazing looking succulent) in it but it seems to prefer the glasshouse to the real world so that put paid to that. I want something ‘interesting’ to put in this pot and am keeping my eye out for just such a plant. Any ideas will be gratefully received but I am not going to put herbs, vegetables or strawberries in it, it commands something more interesting than that

Here is the hole in the bottom of the upsidedown pot. As you can see the plant that I want to choose for this pot needs to be happy with staying within this base size so no Sequoia giganteums or Cedrus atlantica’s for this baby!

I just have to add something to this post here (that seems to be an ongoing thing doesn’t it? The Serendipity Post Script…) as a long standing labour voter who once saw the labour party as the party for the “common man” I resign. I voted green in the last elections because I knew that a green vote was an indirect vote for the labour party. I no longer want to support this party that may as well be called “Mini Liberals” for their self-serving desire to look after their own jobs with a total lack of concern regarding the people that voted them in in the first place. The greens, once they got enough power to be dangerous, set about looking after their own desires including pushing gay marriage, which I am for, but not at the expense of health, law and education…and any other minority cause that they could lay their hands on so I won’t be voting for them. I CAN’T vote liberal. It would be like shooting my family in the foot. We have never been wealthy people and we have always been concerned about the welfare of the masses. I come from a long line of union reps and I couldn’t bear the taste in my own mouth (or the results of my vote) should I start to vote for the bourgeoisie of Australia. Sorry to all of you who vote liberal, but I have too much to lose to start voting for the enemy so next elections (both state and federal) I will be voting by drawing a picture of my derrière and they can take that vote as they see fit. Either way, my vote will be abstained from and I will no longer be proud to vote for my candidate in this election because no-one is good enough to be my candidate. We have no more “real” politicians. Whether you liked Bob Hawke and Malcolm Fraser or not, those men had a presence and our respect and we need someone like that to lead our lucky country onwards, labour or liberal (our only choices). We are dealing with money brokers, advertising executives and power hungry bastards who would sell us all down the river for the right to the top job. I think you need to note labour voters that labour has basically become liberal overnight. Bollocks to them all and I am just glad that dad isn’t alive to see what is happening to his precious labour party…it would have killed him all over again. This tiny next P.S.S. to this post was because as I was searching through the post for tag material (ways for the great unwashed to stumble across my humble little blog) I realised that this post has all of the fixings for a good horror story…blood suckers (both leeches and politicians) and zombies abound and when it comes to our politicians, what they are doing to our poor country is worse than a mass invasion by zombies, vampires and werewolves all at once! At least when the monsters had done their thing and calm descended (as it always does in these movies unless they are angling for a sequel…) Australia would still be in possession of its mineral wealth, its farms and its future and there would still be hope for that future. I say vote for the vampire party in the next elections!


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Pinky
    Feb 23, 2012 @ 10:29:29

    OMG Steve looks so young now! I must say that I think he looks rather dashing Fronkii. Tell him that. He looks about 10-15 years younger than the other photo with him and his beard in it.
    I would be a total conundrum to you Fronkii with my voting tendancies. I am a liberal voter but am also a member of the HealthServices Union. I cannot abide the labour party and the greens. It is a pain when you vote for a person and they give their preferences to some toss pot you’d never want to support. Loving your blog too.


    • narf77
      Feb 23, 2012 @ 18:06:13

      I am world weary about politicians and refuse to vote for any of them any more. It’s donkey votes for me till they find someone worthy of my vote :oP


  2. Roz Takes
    Feb 23, 2012 @ 11:09:32

    Fran, Greg and Erin are great lovers of everything Terry Pratchett and would agree what a terrible shame the loss of his humour will be.
    At the moment I cannot find words to describe my feelings on the latest goings on from the sycophants in Canberra apart from reminding you girls that it is the Labor Party (really nothing to do with work or labour). I actually was feeling quite warm towards M/s Gillard lately as she was getting quite a few things done. Had no idea about your problem with the Health Dept. in Tasmania. I would have thought that would have been a priority for Bob Brown. I am with you, where to from here? Cannot vote for that pompous monk. Oh Kym where are you? Lol.


    • narf77
      Feb 23, 2012 @ 18:12:07

      Yeh, its a really sorry state of affairs when the politicians are starting to act like banks and forgetting who it is that they are serving (other than themselves) and who votes for them. We are not sheep, we have educated minds (for the moment in our state anyway!) and we can vote with our feet but they don’t offer us much choice these days…as Billy Connelly would say they are all “Wee beige jobbies” in my book! Glad Greg and Erin like Terry Pratchett as Stewart, Madeline, Bethany and I love him. I have almost a complete collection of the Discworld series that the kids gave me for Christmas a few years ago. I love it and it is precious to me. So ironic that someone with such a compelling and inventive mind should be forced to undergo that sort of regression. Bob Brown is a dick. The only greens worth their salt in Tasmania are Kim Booth and Tim Morris, both of who’s hands are tied by their weaker beiger leaders. Kym Beazley said it all on the ABC news this morning when he was forced into taking on Kevin Rudds “Foreign Minister” portfolio in a caretaker mode and was being harassed by reporters to give them some information “I will leave that to people who are being paid much higher salaries than me”! Good on you Kym, you were rogered right royally in exactly the same way and I am sure this back stabbing would be smarting. Despite being next to useless he at least kept his dignity and sense of humour :o)


  3. Roz Takes
    Feb 23, 2012 @ 11:13:16

    Sorry about that I meant Kim as in Beasley!


  4. Kym
    Feb 23, 2012 @ 21:48:37

    Oh Roz I thought you were pining for me lol. Yes Fran, Steve’s transformation is amazing. Bruce did the same thing when we moved to Perth. As for politics sigh… Not much choice is there. The only thing I ask is don’t be too rude with your voting slip. I have been one of the unfortunate people who end up opening them at the end of voting day and rudeness is the last thing you want, as well as chewy! True story 🙂


    • narf77
      Feb 24, 2012 @ 09:55:47

      I have been the person putting the “Raving Loony Party” ballots in their own pile as well Kymmy. I know that rudeness is not on when you are trying to work out whether the tick or the X is what they actually wanted to represent (and it’s worse in Tasmania…) so my little picture of my derierre will be made to look like a nice love heart so as not to offend anyone…but I will know ;o)


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